Friendology Assessment

Understanding your relational needs


Keystone Definitions

Safety and Security: Is this someone you would call if you woke up scared in the middle of the night? Someone you would turn to in a moment of crisis?

Learning and Growth: Is this someone who encourages you to try new things, to take chances, to pursue your life’s goals?

Emotional Closeness and Confiding: Is this someone who knows everything (or most things) about you? Someone who can you call on when you’re feeling low and be honest with about how you’re feeling?

Identity Affirmation and Shared Experience: Is this someone in your life who has shared many experiences with you and who helps you strengthen your sense of who you are?

Romantic Intimacy: Is this someone who provides an intimate romantic connection for you?

Help (Both Informational and Practical): Is this someone who you turn to if you need some expertise or help solving a practical problem (e.g., planting a tree, fixing your WiFi connection)?

Fun and Relaxation: Is this someone who makes you laugh? Someone you would call to see a movie or go on a road trip with who makes you feel connected and at ease?

Take the Assessment

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Consider your five most influential relationships. For each one, select the type of relationship and assign a value for each keystone based on the above definitions. Rate each keystone on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being "very unlikely" for the relationship to provide support for that specific keystone. Remember, it's okay if not all—or even most—relationships offer all types of support.

These materials, definitions, or assessments are either taken or adapted from Marc Schulz and Robert Waldinger for CNBC. Copyright © 2023 by CNBC LLC. View the full article