Better Marriage: Clear Communication

Additional Resources for Couples and Groups

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Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

—Ephesians 4:29


Love grows where communication flows.
To keep communication flowing in your relationship, consider Checking In or Checking It Out.


  1. Check in with your body. How are you physically?
  2. Check in with your heart. What are you feeling?
  3. Check in with your mind. What are your thoughts?

Check It Out

  1. Get Curious – What happened?
  2. Get Clear – What I feel…
  3. Get Committed – What can we do?

When to Ask for a Pause

If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for a moment to breathe, take a break, and determine a time when you want to restart the conversation.

If you sense you cannot be present in the conversation and you may say something you regret, own it and take responsibility to ask for a PAUSE and determine another time to Check-In and Check it Out.

The Feelings Wheel is a tool we have used to help in identifying feelings.

  1. When it comes to communicating with your spouse, do you tend to
    (a) stuff things down and check out?
    (b) let your feelings fly without thinking things through?

  2. What are some of the things clouding up communication right now in your marriage?

  3. Read Ephesians 4:29. What types of words, spoken by your spouse, help to build you up?

  4. What would it look like for you to apply the CHECK-IN and CHECK IT OUT practices in your relationship this week?

  5. How do you think the CHECK IT OUT practice could have helped you with your last fight or disagreement?